Strong Emotions and Mood Swings: Cleaning/Decluttering is a Cleanse

Have you ever done a cleanse? It's a rollercoaster ride which you exit feeling like a different person. The first time I tried a cleanse I actually quit halfway through because no one mentioned that I'd actually feel terrible for the first part as my body worked all yucky stuff out. I figured my body would just do its thing and didn't realize that the chemical reaction of my body cleaning stuff up would wreak havoc with my emotions.

Well, proof that sometimes you have learn a lesson over and over again... This cleaning project is running me through the emotional wringer. The physical process of sorting, organizing, and prioritizing is triggering all kinds of emotional reactions.

 

Anger

Shortly after committing to this cleaning clutter challenge, I found myself with an angry compulsion to have people put away their things. My impatience level was through the roof, resulting in my having my preschooler do a lickety-split sorting of some toys to put in the "Toys Out of Circulation" toy trade closet. Midstream I realized I was taking my frustration out on her - instead of focusing on my own clutter, I was worrying about hers.

Physical Reactions

The excitement of starting this cleaning project has moved quickly into pent-up tension... headaches, clenched jaw, stiff back... I even feel like I'm having a hard time breathing. Every time I look at one of my piles, I react - I want to be over this already! My inner judge is giving me a rough time about how much there is too do and how long it takes me to do it.

Runaway Thoughts and Monkey Mind

The voice in my head is giving a running commentary on how the cleaning and clutter sorting is progressing. Our minds are always talking to us, but depending on our mood, the voice can be friendly or judgmental. Each section of the house triggers some new wordy essay from Chatty Kathy in my head, and this week it's not pleasant. All of my emotions are awake and present in this project. My monkey mind says things like, "How is that not put away? Don't run off and leave that a mess - better pick it up! Your kids can wait - you have to clean all of this right now! Oh no, do you really need to add that to the pile? Why can't we eat lunch at a table without papers on it? Here we go again, another load of laundry... No resting! Too much to do! Everything's a mess - I can't cope!" Never mind what's really happening, or what balance might look like; this is that judging voice I'm talking about. It also chatters about things that get me in clutter trouble: "Don't waste that! Now how can we use the rest of that? Let's keep that for later..."

Uncovering Fear

I had to manage my anger, impatience, stiffness, and judgmental responses before I found the first nugget of why I have much of my clutter. "I feel like everything's scarce," I thought, and realized the breadth of that statement: scarcity of food, of things, of time, of patience, of health. I've lost my old habit of counting my blessings, of trusting and knowing that things will be ok, they don't all have to be managed and controlled to the nth degree. When I started making a list of the things that irritate me in our house (see future post), some items appeared that show how I keep things that aren't worth keeping due to this worry. Why keep two water pitchers if one is half-broken and the other is perfectly fine? Do I really need to be using two?

Pause and Reflect

Each piece of clutter has its own story - maybe it's an item you've compromised on, or has a history with you, or will one day become something else, or just seems too good to give away. I also believe that we have unique challenges built into our personalities for how we relate to stuff. As I continue to declutter, I'll keep rubbing away at the grime to look for that shining image I know is underneath.


What have you learned from your clutter? Or from a past body cleanse?