Clutter's Sticky Energy (and related Emotional Tension)

Sorry folks. I had to warn you from the get-go on this one. But working very consciously on the state of my house is really shaking things up for me, and since this is an experiment in what clutter and decluttering does to us and means to us, I feel I have to lay some of this out there too.

Sensing Clutter Energy

I'm starting to be more physically aware of the energetic vibration of the clutter in my house.

• There are the piles of things to do that I want to get to soon - that feels rather nervous, and it triggers my judge about any tendency to procrastinate.
• Bins of things to sort - they feel like they take up much more room than they seem to visually. I give them a large berth when walking past.
• The items I started to organize once and left incomplete - festering, unhappy with the inattention.
• Project materials that really want to be made into things (beautiful yarns and fabrics, useful hooks and decorative boxes) - have a push-and-pull sense; I react first with excitement and then push them away with the disappointing "but I can't do it now".
• Beautiful things given to us, clumped together instead of on display in honor - like dry, dusty rocks, flexible things which have hardened and lost confidence.

These clumps of clutter are just festering in our house, compounded by the dustiness of a house that could use an old fashioned spring cleaning too... I'm really feeling overwhelmed - with worry that I don't have time to fix it, worry that it's out of control and I can't keep up.

Clutter Drags Me Down

I feel internally at war. I have so much energy trying to move through me but is getting stuck that my body is in a knot and my emotions are through the roof... I can snap at anything these days; my logic and sense of reason trails along behind. Remember that cleanse I bailed on years ago? The temptation to do the same is rising again... Man, I'd like to stick all this back in the closet again about now!

I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of feeling trapped in my life. I am so, so tired of clenching my teeth and holding my jaw taut constantly (truly - constantly), being late, trying to do too many things, trying to think it all through ahead of time. I'm tired to not getting sleep, not being able to breathe deeply, to get time to myself. This is rough stuff.

Beauty hides under the dust

But Cleaning WILL Lift Me Up

At the same time, I know I learned something going through that (partial) body cleanse years ago... As the body jumpstarts its cleansing process, stuck toxins throughout the body are loosened up in order to flow through the usual methods to leave the body. We want this to happen because we want to free our bodies to be able to keep things moving, but a side effect is that those toxins start chemical reactions (along with their energetic counterparts), and we experience it (intensely at times) as emotions - hormones reacting for all they are worth.

Last time, it was necessary to keep drinking fluids to help flush it all out. I think I'll try that with this too and see if that helps.

Pause and Reflect

Living with clutter messes gives me the internal excuse for not delivering in various areas of my life - keeping the kids on schedule, having energy to cook, having the perseverance to clean on a regular basis. There's a lot of frozen emotion caught up in the dust and dirt of my home and the clutter that has been waiting for my attention. I keep trying a little more each day, hoping that I will start seeing some good in this soon.